Do you remember that kid from the Frosties advert? The one that sang "they’re gonna taste great"? Rumour has it that he had to emigrate to Australasia somewhere to avoid the notoriety and bullying he incurred for inflicting that god awful advert on us. That said, he made a lot of money from it and has probably been set up quite well for the next few years of his life due to selling his soul to Tony the Tiger.
Now this situation’s a bit different. For a start, I don’t think Cher Lloyd has a soul (so I will refer to her as ‘it’ from now on), yet it’s still somehow been put in a position where it can sell thousands of records and top the charts with its god awful yelps that it calls songs. Secondly, I don’t condone bullying, the same way I wouldn’t enjoy being bullied, however, if I were to call someone’s mother a female dog who exchanges money for sexual favours and who ate a large amount of fast food to the point that it had an impact on their weight, then I should surely expect the punch in the face that would follow. Now I managed to avoid most of the X Factor and am lucky enough to have avoided most of Swagger Jagger’s radio play, but Lloyd’s offensive and audibly damaging singles still make their way to my ears in the same way my insults would to the person who knocks me to the floor. Next up, did anyone notice all the new Sony MP3 players in the video and the colourful balloons not too dissimilar to that of that Sony Bravia advert with all the bouncy balls going down the street? On the video for someone signed to Sony Music? Why not shave the Sony logo onto the side of it’s ridiculous undercut whilst you’re at it.
In addition, I don’t know who Mike Posner is, but if he thinks that this is a good career move, then he really needs to sort his mentally deficient head out. Don’t even get me started on his stupid giggle.
And one more thing, that god annoying da-dadada-dum dum bit on either sound of the track sounds like yet another brain cell vacating the building only to be greeted by Cher Lloyd and her fake friends saying something about swag.
They’re gonna taste great, think about it.
By Braden Fletcher