THE TOP 40 FEATURE IS BACK! HURRAH I HEAR YOU ALL CHEER. Every week we’re going to take you through some of the highlights in the chart, from the best songs to the worst. Now we can all join together as one superior mass laughing in a patronising manner at the utter crap the general public spend their money on, as well as rejoicing in the not so guilty pleasures which we all hold in our hearts.
Best Song of the week: Rita Ora - RIP Feat. Tinie Tempah (no12)
Rita Ora has generally been rubbished by pretty much the whole internet as a mini-Rihanna who therefore deserves little to no attention. But wait a minute, she’s signed to Roc Nation after she caught the attention of JAY Z. Come on that’s pretty cool. RIP was originally written by Drake for Rihanna who for some incomprehensible reason didn’t want it. Tinie Tempah’s rap is the only thing that takes away from the track but Ora’s chorus is so bloody fantastic you end up forgetting about Tempah’s brief appearance as she waves goodbye to the girl she used to be. Add to that a pretty flawless performance on Jools Holland earlier in the year and I think we have a new pop starlet on the scene. And I dare you not to get a little bit turned on by her in the video.
Worst song of the week: Skrillex - Bangarang (no31)
I enjoy any chance I get to moan about the utter dirge of shit that is Skrillex and this 3.37 seconds of practically unlistenable rubbish which probably makes children cry is another brilliant opportunity. Most of the song sounds like a 13 year old messing around with the sound effects on a keyboard, there doesn’t even appear to be any discernable rhythm to it. A distinct lack of ‘wubwubwubs’ probably proves that Skrillex is changing his sound, moving away from his niche. Wow he is a true trendsetter, stepping out of his comfort zone, like a middle aged woman whose gone sky diving for the first time. Who on earth is buying this crap? Anyone wanting to sign my petition to have Skrillex forcibly banned from making music should comment below.
Guilty pleasure: Nicki Minaj - Starships (no20)
Nicki Minaj’s figure is possibly the least comprehensible thing in the whole entire universe and will distract you from listening to the song the first three times you watch this video. After you’ve got over that you’ll discover a banging pop song which, no matter how much you want to hate it, will wiggle its way into your head until you find yourself screaming it in the shower. With less rapping and less of the rubbishy lyrics, this song managed to convert me from a Minaj-hater to part of the ‘team’. If it doesn’t work for you at least we can all laugh at the funny voice she does when she’s rapping.
Number one: Gary Barlow and the Commonwealth band - Sing
Of course in the patriotic craze that has swept the country recently, it is unsurprising that Gary Barlow’s new national anthem hit the top spot this week. Written with Andrew Lloyd Webber and featuring every person in the entire Commonwealth (ok just some dancers and the Military Wives Choir) this is the kind of song you just know your gran will love, particularly because Gareth Malone makes an appearance AND he’s wearing a bow tie. The video shows Gary going round and being a general do-gooder, not just in Britain, oh no, ALL OVER THE WORLD. What a hero. A particularly brilliant moment in the video is when Gary is being rowed down a river and looks exactly like Pocahontas. Little known fact about this week’s number 1: if you play it backwards you’ll get to hear Gazza crying about how much he wants a knighthood over Take That’s Greatest Hits.