UK Top 40 watch - Edition #2 (Rita Ora, Skrillex, Nicki Minaj & Gary Barlow)

THE TOP 40 FEATURE IS BACK! HURRAH I HEAR YOU ALL CHEER. Every week we’re going to take you through some of the highlights in the chart, from the best songs to the worst. Now we can all join together as one superior mass laughing in a patronising manner at the utter crap the general public spend their money on, as well as rejoicing in the not so guilty pleasures which we all hold in our hearts.

Best Song of the week: Rita Ora - RIP Feat. Tinie Tempah (no12)

Rita Ora has generally been rubbished by pretty much the whole internet as a mini-Rihanna who therefore deserves little to no attention. But wait a minute, she’s signed to Roc Nation after she caught the attention of JAY Z. Come on that’s pretty cool. RIP was originally written by Drake for Rihanna who for some incomprehensible reason didn’t want it. Tinie Tempah’s rap is the only thing that takes away from the track but Ora’s chorus is so bloody fantastic you end up forgetting about Tempah’s brief appearance as she waves goodbye to the girl she used to be. Add to that a pretty flawless performance on Jools Holland earlier in the year and I think we have a new pop starlet on the scene. And I dare you not to get a little bit turned on by her in the video.

 

Worst song of the week: Skrillex - Bangarang (no31)

 

I enjoy any chance I get to moan about the utter dirge of shit that is Skrillex and this 3.37 seconds of practically unlistenable rubbish which probably makes children cry is another brilliant opportunity. Most of the song sounds like a 13 year old messing around with the sound effects on a keyboard, there doesn’t even appear to be any discernable rhythm to it. A distinct lack of ‘wubwubwubs’ probably proves that Skrillex is changing his sound, moving away from his niche. Wow he is a true trendsetter, stepping out of his comfort zone, like a middle aged woman whose gone sky diving for the first time. Who on earth is buying this crap? Anyone wanting to sign my petition to have Skrillex forcibly banned from making music should comment below.

Guilty pleasure: Nicki Minaj - Starships (no20)

Nicki Minaj’s figure is possibly the least comprehensible thing in the whole entire universe and will distract you from listening to the song the first three times you watch this video. After you’ve got over that you’ll discover a banging pop song which, no matter how much you want to hate it, will wiggle its way into your head until you find yourself screaming it in the shower. With less rapping and less of the rubbishy lyrics, this song managed to convert me from a Minaj-hater to part of the ‘team’. If it doesn’t work for you at least we can all laugh at the funny voice she does when she’s rapping. 

Number one: Gary Barlow and the Commonwealth band - Sing

Of course in the patriotic craze that has swept the country recently, it is unsurprising that Gary Barlow’s new national anthem hit the top spot this week. Written with Andrew Lloyd Webber and featuring every person in the entire Commonwealth (ok just some dancers and the Military Wives Choir) this is the kind of song you just know your gran will love, particularly because Gareth Malone makes an appearance AND he’s wearing a bow tie. The video shows Gary going round and being a general do-gooder, not just in Britain, oh no, ALL OVER THE WORLD. What a hero. A particularly brilliant moment in the video is when Gary is being rowed down a river and looks exactly like Pocahontas. Little known fact about this week’s number 1: if you play it backwards you’ll get to hear Gazza crying about how much he wants a knighthood over Take That’s Greatest Hits.


Jessy Parker

March 2012 Round Up

Hello lovely readers, the last month was March and some items of interest occurred during its 4-week reign, namely:

SXSW happened:
Skrillex’s performance led to the creation of a thousand think pieces on a thousand blogs that debated and evaluated every aspect of those thudding bass drops until, bloodied and weeping, Sonny Moore hung himself in a backstage urinal, wrenching off his signature luscious locks and garrotting himself as he whispered “I just wanted to be taken seriously, I love Aphex Twin, I once offered Ryan Schreiber oral pleasure in exchange for a 7.4”. The union representing emo kids who converted to dubstep “way before it got big man” and middle aged men with mohicans is yet to release a press statement.

The ASAP crew beat the shit out of some bloggers in an effort to show off their rock hard attitude and snatch the position of the toughest rap crew in the US whilst Odd Future are busy disappearing up their own arseholes in a flurry of sold out shows, fuck-awful sketches and overpriced merch.

Cloud Nothings were supposed to have been pretty good.

In other Odd Future news, the gang dropped “The OF Tape Volume 2” to largely positive reviews. It’s a pretty decent showcase of the groups stylistic disparity and gave us hope for their future in the form of the ten minute posse cut “Oldie” and Mike G’s dense and thuggish “Forest Green”, which marked his transition from background player to force to be reckoned with. Although its defining feature must surely be OF’s abandonment of their misogynistic lyrical bent in favour of several tracks that are like listening to cats hugging. Oh, hang on, three of the tracks have Bitch in the title, forget that last bit.

Andrew WK announced that he is to reissue the 2001 classic LP I Get Wet on July 17th. Not much to say on this other than, with luck, it’ll lead to Party Hard seeing a pseudo-ironic revival amongst trendy young things and WK’s unbeatable outfits inspiring a new generation to embrace the sport trainer/ white trouser combination.

And with great sadness, we bid farewell to a band that burned briefly yet so brightly. I am of course talking of the late great Viva Brother. Emerging from 2010 as the kings of the UK’s music scene, a succession of hit singles preceded their astonishing debut “Famous First Words” captured the hearts and minds of millions and inspired Pitchfork to declare them “possibly better than Sufjan”, which is high praise indeed. So let’s all grab a drink, stick “The Darling Buds of May” on and raise a toast to those kings of men. 
 

Lastly, here are some releases we’ve been rinsing senseless in Sound Influx’s theoretical offices:

Slow Animal – Slow Animal

“With their self titled debut album, it is evident they have progressed since their initial demos. The energy is higher, the drumming is fiercer, the songs are more detailed. A lot of the initial demos seemed to centre on small helpings of chords that often repeated. Not to say that is a bad thing, they’re still great songs, but with their debut release, the songs are a lot more fleshed out and mature. The band have evidently progressed.”

Eliot Humphreys’ full 8.3 review is here.


Kindness - World, You Need A Change Of Mind

"World, You Need A Change Of Mind is exactly what you would expect from this Peterborough-based pioneer who seems to be capable of reviving any genre that’s thrown his way and make it relevant. A brilliant record that’s not going to be kept secret so tell your brother, tell your sister, tell your mother."

See Aurora Mitchell’s glowing 8.5 review here.


Bruce Springsteen – Wrecking Ball

“It is surprising how well the blend of different styles of music work on this record. The combination of Irish folk, gospel and almost hip-hop style synthed drums makes the record feel all-encompassing in its approach to the topics at hand. Despite this however, it is the most stereotypical anthem tracks that stand out. The title track challenges the system to bring down our homes, and the stunning ‘Land Of Hope And Dreams’ is about the promise of a better life, one that is out there if we a willing to search for it.”

Sean Collinson’s glowing 9.0 for the Boss’ newie is here.


Ned Powley